You guys are sooooo and I thank you so much for it. I feel much better when I can talk about my pain with people who fully understand. I have forced myself to calm down a bit - Plamenh was right - it is not good for my health to continue to torture myself.

The point why this hit me so very much is that exactly at this time my Mom had her stroke last year and fell into coma and did not wake up any more until she died in Jan this year. Guess that this is still keeping me off balance. Then two of our babies died in early summer. That nearly broke me down and then came Emma's sickness, the attack on the new babies, their sickness with canker. I am glad when this year is overwithout further bad incidents. It was just too much.

Pina is still coming in each evening without any hesitation. We have peace again on our balcony - the many pijjies which "terrorized" our family are gone and we have only the usual 10 or so who love to have some breakfast here and then are gone again. I have found a wonderful way to feed them without too much chaos, noise and hassle:

I am standing on the balcony with a bowl covered by a towel and put seeds and corn on top of it. The pijjies jump on my arms and hands while I am holding the bowl and normally 3 or 4 pijjies eat at the same time. One or two is also sitting on my shoulders to wait for their turn to eat. Very funny. Sometimes they even hang on my back like little bats. It must be a funny sight. I have to get my partner make a photo of it....

At least this way no-one can see me feeding our family. The seed that falls down it eaten up immediately by the ones who are waiting. So there is no-one to accuse me of something forbidden - as if I would care And no-one can forbid me to let the pijjies "play" on my balcony - right? It is such a georgeous feeling to have all these pijjies so near, to feel their bodies, their warmth, their heartbeat and their incredible trust.

Yesterday one of the young blacks sat on my arm, feeding and then looking up from time to time, looking directly into my eyes, wiggling with his wings as if he wanted to say - hey thank you for the breakfast, that is soooooo good. I was so moved by this...

So you are on pigeon therapy now? You see it is working!

... And it works!!!

Great idea to feed your balcony pigeons without being seen doing so!
And I'm very happy that they are making you feel happy even though you are still worried about Peppi.

Dear Peppi,

Wherever you are, be safe! But please pop in and see Petra because she misses you very much and she's worried about you. You be a good boy now!

Pigeonwriter: Remember, Peppi is an angel, so Someone Big Time is watching him.

Every time I see you have posted here I hope it is because Peppi has come home...I know that one day it will be good news.

Good luck with Peppi. We still remember when Big Pidgee disappeared.